where is the third son
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Fanny (41) believes that her family with her daughters Anne (10) and Brechtje (8) is complete. Husband Rutger (39), however, knows no better that there is still a chance for a child.

Pussy: “Rutger would have loved to have a son, he has never hidden that. When we gave Brechtje a gender-determining ultrasound at fifteen weeks pregnant, he was tense in the car to get there. ‘A son and a daughter, how nice that would be,’ he kept repeating. I felt everything that I was pregnant again with a girl and it was hard for me to tell him. Who knows, maybe I was wrong and his big dream would come true.

A son

Less than half an hour later we walked out of the midwifery practice with a beautiful series of ultrasound images in our hands. Photos that clearly show two lips. I loved it, two daughters. I felt a slight disappointment with Rutger. Of course he was very happy that everything looked good and the baby seemed completely healthy, but since she knew she didn’t want more than two children, it also meant to him that he would never be in the stands with his own. little one, the ArenA would be the last image of his dreams.

Rutger parked the disappointment very quickly, it must be said. He devotedly painted a second nursery in sweet colors and when Brechtje lay in his arms, I saw nothing but love. “Real men make daughters,” he would invariably yell at his friends or others who noticed he had two girls. I realized that he was, as my grandmother would call it, “talking the holy spirit down his throat.”

Now or never

There was still that longing for a boy, especially when his brother had a son three years ago after two daughters. He wouldn’t exactly call Rutger jealous, but she looked at him with some envy. ‘Great man, I want this too,’ he would say every time we saw his brother. From that time he also started about a third. Brechtje had just started kindergarten a few months ago, he finally had his hands a little free again and didn’t have to think about starting all over again.

“He looked with envy at his brother, who did have a son”

“It’s now or never,” he initially tried to convince me. I was then 38 years old and I also understood that I did not have an eternally fertile life. Oddly enough, I was quite susceptible to that argument. What if I regret it? This is something that cannot be reversed, at a certain point the egg stock just disappears.

On the other hand, you do not reverse the arrival of a child either. And if I regret that? According to Rutger that was impossible. “No one regrets having a child,” he insisted. I was going to love it and that period of dependency, so in diapers and a thousand bottles a day, would fly by-or so he told me.

up to forty

My cousin had a baby; a picture. I held the boy in my arms and smelled his face. ‘I want this again, Fan,’ Rutger whispered in my ear. He caught me in a moment of weakness, a smart move. On the way back from that maternity visit, he didn’t talk about anything else. I found it very endearing.

“If we don’t worry too much about it and just see if they’ve given it to us again,” was his proposal. He would stop the pill and we would let it run its course. I had to think about that for a while. We normally have sex about six times a month; What were the chances that it was exactly the day of my ovulation? I also thought it was an exciting idea.

‘Okay, we’ll do that, but we’re not really going to dwell on it. If he doesn’t come, don’t come,’ I told him one day after that conversation. And if she wasn’t pregnant before she turned 40, she would stop. Rutger thought it was a great idea. Not everything would go so fast, I thought. And before I knew it she was forty years old and we could dial this back.

crying in the bathroom

Two months later I was pregnant, I knew right away from the nagging pain in my breasts and that sick feeling in the morning. Shaking with nerves, I took a pregnancy test, without Rutger. I wanted to process the message myself first. The result was immediate; two lines immediately appeared on the screen. I cried alone in the bathroom. Now he couldn’t go back.

“I have been crying a lot alone in the bathroom. Now I couldn’t go back.”

Back to the consultation, to the nursery, to the swimming classes and even more so to that schoolyard. And another nine months of misery, because I’m not a good pregnant person. Then there is the delivery and those months of insomnia. I’m sorry if. And I felt guilty for that fruit in my stomach. You will only have a mother who thinks of you like that…

Rutger was delighted and wanted to tell the girls right away. I let it all flow over me a bit, in a way I was in shock. This was his party, in my opinion. Anne and Brechtje’s reaction was so sweet and genuinely moved that I too felt some joy for the first time. That didn’t take long.

Read also – Merel had another child after 3 boys: “I cried at the ultrasound” >

letting go

I lost blood in the 9th week and miscarried at 10 weeks. That affected me enormously, both for me and for Rutger and the children. I really needed to recover physically and mentally. Rutger immediately wanted to try again, but I lay down for it. She couldn’t bear for it to go wrong again in such a short time. I needed time, and luckily Rutger gave me that time too. He was very sweet to me and very concerned. I burst into tears out of nowhere. It’s weird how that works, for something you didn’t really want.